…until half term! I can’t believe how quickly it has gone, or that it is almost three weeks since I last blogged.
I’m not even going to try to catch up. I will just cover the past three weeks with the following words:
Exhausting. Rewarding. Steep learning curve. Proud. Drained. Tired. Busy. Happy. Humbled. Inspired.
I love having a job. After being on Jobseekers’ Allowance for so long, I don’t take one single bit of what I have now for granted. It really is hard work and some days I don’t feel equal to the task, but over and over again I discover what a lovely supportive environment I’m working in. I’m definitely in exactly the right place.
Last weekend I managed to get away and stay with J, to help him with a very prolonged and tricky house move. I know my practical assistance and moral support was hugely appreciated, and I’m ever so glad I went.
It has, however, knocked all the routines I have been carefully constructing over the past five weeks completely off track. One weekend away has led to a whole week of chaos at home! This evening I have had to do two whole days’ worth of washing up before I was able to use the kitchen to cook our evening meal. This means that the evening meal will be late and Three will be late for youth club. I’ve also just set a wash load going for the second time; it already got washed on Sunday night but has been festering in the machine ever since as I never got around to hanging it out. There is mess everywhere and I can’t find any of the forms I need to fill in by Friday. Urgh.
As well as that, I’m physically dropping to bits as well. Carting heavy boxes about over the weekend took its toll on me – thankfully my knees and back have stopped hurting mostly now, but my hands and wrists are in a very bad state and only seem to be getting worse rather than better. This morning I woke unable to close my hands into a fist; they were totally numb and horribly painful all at the same time. They’ve improved quite a lot through the day but the numbness has persisted and I couldn’t write for long periods as I normally do. If they follow the usual pattern, they will worsen again through the evening and be hideous by the time I wake up. I’m slightly scared this has nothing to do with carrying heavy boxes and that I might have sudden onset arthritis or something! (Yes I am a closet hypochondriac *grin*). I have suffered intermittently with mild Carpal Tunnel Syndrome in my right hand since I was pregnant with Three, but this is in both hands/wrists and is a thousand times worse. I’m seriously considering bandaging them both up really tightly when I go to bed tonight to see if that helps in the morning.
I’ve been wanting to pick my neglected knitting up again and finish my poor abandoned cardigan over half term, but that is out of the question at the moment. 😦 Even typing this isn’t doing my hands any good!
Right. No more whinging. Life is good, and fulfilling. I’m off the antidepressants completely now. When the low moments come (which they still do, of course they do), I’m able to talk myself through them rationally, which I was not even slightly able to do this time last year. Though I have done my share of crying myself to sleep recently, I have no burning desire to hide under a duvet for days on end and not come out. Despite the fact the house is a mess and my routines are currently shot to pieces, I don’t feel like a failure as a person. This is all wonderful, and massively positive!
For now, that will do.