Enough!

I am so over today now.

I’ll list the reasons why and then move on to positives to cheer me up and send me off to bed on a brighter note.

– I had a job interview today for a job I really, really wanted, and I didn’t get it. Among the other people being interviewed were three trained teachers, one of whom got the post. Selfishly, I am ashamed to say I feel resentful that people trained as teachers are applying for Teaching Assistant roles and getting them. However, I’m accepting that it wasn’t meant to be this time.

– It is a year since I last had an interview. That interview came a year after my first one. I am now wondering if it will be another year before I’m lucky enough to secure another one.

– I collected Three from school, got home, sat down and curled up with a long awaited cup of tea and immediately received a phone call from the secondary school asking me to collect One as she was feeling poorly. Up I got and did the same car journey all over again.

– Finally managed to drink my not-quite-as-hot-as-I’d-have-liked cuppa, and fell asleep without meaning to, meaning the supermarket shop, and therefore our tea, was rather later than I’d planned.

– Halfway round the supermarket I fielded a call from one child who was complaining (with very good cause) about the behaviour of one of the others. While choosing a chicken for Sunday dinner and crossing ‘chicken’ off the list with one hand, pushing the trolley with the other hand, and balancing the phone in between my shoulder and my ear, I attempted to calm down the situation. I heard shouting and slamming doors.

– I had the overwhelming urge to sit down in the middle of Tesco next to my trolley and burst into tears. I did not do this. I applauded my own self control.

OK, here are the positives:

– I enjoyed the interview, and loved seeing round the school and meeting the children and some of the staff. I got good feedback from the head when he phoned to tell me I hadn’t got the job, and he said ‘you’ve got the process nailed so just keep at it and I’m sure you’ll get something soon’. I hope he’s right!

– I managed to diffuse the family war zone situation by threatening one of the children with no egg custard for dessert (they were on the reduced shelf) unless he calmed down. Funnily enough, he calmed down… 😉

– At least I got the shopping done so we have another week’s worth of food in the house!

– Not getting this job means I can continue volunteering in year 2 and year 5 at Three’s school for a little longer. This is something I love and and has been keeping me sane over the past few years.

– I have been communing with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream which fell ‘accidentally’ into my trolley at the supermarket earlier. At that point I crossed ‘chocolate’ off the shopping list as I’d decided to buy ice cream instead… and then some Green & Black’s accidentally fell into the trolley later on as well… oops.

– I know how to be kind to myself when it’s been a difficult day! (See above)

Right. A bit more ice cream, then the washing up, then bed. Tomorrow is another day. This one has worn rather thin!

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4 thoughts on “Enough!

  1. Commiserations on the job. But great feedback from the head. Just frustrating when there’s nothing you can do better, there just need to be the jobs! Hope more come along soon.

  2. very ignation helen! leave the bad behind in the day and hold onto the good and take it into the next day with you : ) ….but seriously, you can put down the ice cream tub now!

  3. Pingback: Enough! « Raising kids with diagnosed/undiagnosed autism

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