The sound of silence

A tap in the kitchen drips.

The laptop on the dining table whirrs.

The fridge hums.

The click of fingers on keyboard is the loudest sound in the house.

The children have gone with their dad until Tuesday, when I will pick them up from his house and bring them home ready to start a new year at school on Wednesday (Three) and Thursday (One and Two).

I have eaten my tea (sausages and ice cream; no, not together) in solitary splendour, watched some paralympics, and tidied away the duvet cover, chair and kitchen steps which made up the headquarters of the Secret Club*

Tomorrow afternoon I will drive over with my mum to J’s house in preparation for his dad’s funeral on Tuesday morning. Until then, my introverted soul is singing with the alone time it has been granted.

I know I’m coping with a fair amount of stress at the moment because my dream life is busy and hideous! Everything that could go wrong is going wrong, all night, every night, inside my head. Waking up is a relief, to be honest!

During the day, I’m coping by making sure I’m in control of as much I can feasibly be in control of, while attempting to ‘accept the things I cannot change’ (oh my goodness how my personality rails against that line of the Serenity Prayer!). It seems to boil down, at the moment, to being in control of my immediate surroundings as much as I can. I bought an academic year diary the other day (or rather, I got it for free with Clubcard vouchers) and a set of different coloured pens. I’ve been filling it in for us all with a different colour for each person. I’ve also ordered a big calendar from Organised Mum for the first time in several years, and I’m going to use the same colours per person on that as well. Having what feels like a very chaotic family life neatly written down in nice organised lines in different colours is what has been keeping me sane these past few days!

Hey, don’t laugh – it works for me at the moment so I’m not knocking it!

The other thing helping to keep me sane – and hydrated – and on the loo four hundred times a day – is an industrial quantity of Earl Grey tea by the pint…

*This is to be said in a WHISPER. I could tell you the password, but then I’d have to kill you…

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