I’m trying to be kind to myself today. Practise a bit of that self care that I’m attempting to get better at.
It didn’t start off that way. Earlier on I was beating myself up for the fact that I couldn’t seem to get off the sofa, couldn’t seem to stay awake, couldn’t seem to wash up or do any of the other little jobs which are coming far more naturally to me recently. Not to mention the overdue assignment which I finally did some more work on yesterday but haven’t touched today yet. I was feeling guilty, cross, and generally grumpy with myself.
Then I made the conscious decision to cut myself a bit of slack.
Today would have been my dad’s 83rd birthday. He is very much in my thoughts today – I think of him every day of course but today he is more in the forefront of my mind than usual. My thoughts of him invariably make me smile; even as I have tears pricking my eyes wondering how he would have chosen to celebrate today (a family meal at a local pub with plenty of chips, a pint, and some chocolate cake, I’m guessing!).
As well as that, last night was a tricky one. I’d been getting possibly a bit complacent about some of the worries and issues in our family recently, and last night that came back to bite me on the bum, so to speak. It was a difficult evening with worry, tears, no clue whether I was doing the right thing or not at any point, and I went to bed well after midnight, exhausted, relieved, still worried, and with none of my evening routines done. I still have no idea whether I did the right thing, but we’re all ok this morning so I reckon I got away with it this time… *sigh*
No wonder I’m tired and a bit flat feeling today. I’m not beating myself up any more. I’m being kind to myself; looking after myself a bit because if I am not ok then I can’t hope to be fully present mentally and physically for the children so they are ok. I have managed to do the washing up, eventually, and after I’ve finished this cup of tea I’m going to put the dry clothes away which are currently sitting in nice neat piles on the other sofa. The last couple of days I’ve added a new tool to my armour in the form of Chore Wars – I heard about it ages ago, signed up, ignored it for months, and have now gone back to it as way to give myself incentives for some of the tasks I do! I’m using it only for myself at the moment and not for anyone else in the household, but I’ve adapted the ‘chores’ and rewards to my own routines and I’m finding it fun and useful at the moment!