I can’t even begin to describe the past 24 hours.
So I’m not going to. Not properly in detail anyway, because lots of it isn’t my story to tell.
So instead I am going to focus on the positives. For there are lots:
– When I got a phonecall with unexpected news and was told that someone I didn’t know very well was going to come and sit in my house till I got home, because nobody else was in and nobody could find the key, my first thought wasn’t ‘ARGH’, because the communal areas of the house are looking perfectly acceptable. All of them.
– When I got home and had to go straight back out again to the hospital, I knew exactly where to lay my hands on my knitting, my crossword book and my phone charger. All essentials for an inevitably long wait in A&E!
– My mum is awesome. Truly awesome. Dropped everything and came to the rescue with her superb babysitting skills. Again.
– After getting in from the hospital at ten past three this morning, I did my ‘evening’ routine on autopilot before collapsing into bed. This meant that:
– This morning when I woke up after three hours’ sleep, I had clothes laid out to put straight on, the kitchen was clean, the dining table was clean and there were bowls of porridge ready in the fridge to just microwave for breakfast.
– We have a Family Support Worker. I met him this morning when he came round to our house for the first time, and I have a feeling that this is going to be exactly what we need.
– Mum collected Three from school at a last minute request when it was obvious I wasn’t going to be back from a meeting at the hospital in time to get there for three o’clock. I think Mum will be getting some flowers soon.
– On our eventual return home, One and I had the house to ourselves for some much needed peace and quiet, and I drank a pint mug of tea and then fell asleep on the sofa.
– Because I had planned meals and the kitchen was tidy this morning, piping hot sausage casserole was ready in the slow cooker to just spoon out on to plates at teatime.
– I am bunking off college tonight. Legally I might add – I have sent my apologies. It was the right decision because I am mentally and physically drained. My mind is fluttering off in a million different directions and there is no way in the world I could have focused on anything even vaguely academic for more than fifteen seconds at a time.
It has been a tough week, but as a single parent I’m a tough cookie! We have to be… I’m coping mainly because the routines I began to set in place a month ago are now happening automatically and things are just… getting done. And the things that aren’t getting done, I am being honest about and beginning the process of getting some help with them.
Oh and I think the antidepressants are having quite a lot to do with the fact that my house, along with my mind is starting to get in order, too.