It is quarter to eleven at night. I have 1000 words left to write before I will allow myself to go to bed, to complete an essay for my Foundation Degree. So what am I doing instead? Blogging of course!

I could say I am totally procrastinating, but instead I will attempt to put a positive spin on the situation and tell you all that of course I am just easing myself in to ‘writing’ mode for the evening by blogging before I write all about the skills and qualities of a good multi-agency worker and then conclude the analysis of a family case study I have spent the past three nights writing.

Here are a few random bits and pieces from life as it stands in the helenprev household right now:

– The grumpy and terminally ill car finally gave up the ghost completely yesterday morning. On the plus side, a) I was expecting it so it wasn’t like it was a shock, b) I had parked outside the house when it decided it was never going to work again, so didn’t have to sort out getting it back from somewhere random (not like last time we had a car die on us but that’s another story!) and c) Thanks to a generous loan from my lovely mum I should be able to pick a new-to-us car up on Friday afternoon, having put a deposit down on it last weekend. For the moment we are walking everywhere, which is good exercise but takes ages which isn’t helpful when I already have too much to do!

– The List of Doom is shrinking, very slowly, a few items at a time each day. It is still quite terrifying but the amount of crossings off are a gratifyingly cheerful sight.

– I went into school today on my placement and spent the whole day doing Christmas crafts with excited 8 and 9 year olds. It was almost enough to make me feel Christmassy myself, and that isn’t an easy task yet this year! I’m in school again on Friday and am really looking forward to that as I will get to walk with the class in the afternoon to the school carol service at the local church, and I know for a definite fact that that will have the desired Christmassy effect on my currently deflated and flaking soul!

– One and I watched the Panorama special about adoption this evening. I think all I can say about that at the moment is that I’m bloody glad I was born in 1972 when adoption was a much more commonplace option for tiny babies such as I was, than it is now. I was in foster care for the first 8 weeks of my life before being placed with the people who became my legal parents four months later. My heart breaks for those children shown on the programme tonight and all of the children they represent, who are looking for permanent homes in a time when fewer adoptions are happening than ever. And my heart breaks for all the adults involved too – the ‘tummy mummies’ (love that phrase!) and the foster parents who do such an amazing job. OK, I said quite a lot about that in the end!

– Depression wise, I am still fighting the constant urge to hide under the duvet and not come out, trying to look after myself in all sorts of little ways whilst coping with a whole lot of stuff being thrown at me from various angles. This week is ridiculously busy, and I am not finding much time to sit down and stop, but I’m trying to be sensible. Some things I know I definitely can’t cope with at this moment – I have some very clear boundaries for myself and won’t cross those. For example, I’m coping ok with writing this assignment for tomorrow, sorting out the disposing of the old car and the collecting of the new one, and doing the day to day stuff of making meals and washing up (mostly) but that, this week, is to the detriment of almost any sort of socialising. As long as I don’t have to make conversation with people, I can cope with the other stuff! That possibly makes no sense, but I know what I mean…

– Did I mention I had a Kindle at the beginning of December as an early Christmas present to myself from myself and my mum? I can’t remember. Anyway, it is a joyous piece of equipment and giving me an enormous amount of pleasure. I am reading more, this past couple of weeks, than I have read for a long long time. Escapism through literature (or early 20th century school stories at any rate) is one of the things keeping me nearly sane!

– I am pretending I don’t have the beginnings of a cough. Denial is a powerful thing. So is Night Nurse but last time I had that too late at night I slept through the alarm the next morning! And I daren’t take the capsules before I write the rest of this essay, though it might make for entertaining (or more likely incoherent) reading once they kicked in!

Better get on with it really; I can’t procrastinate forever. Well. Actually, I probably could, but I know that would be a bad idea…


2 thoughts on “Procrastination

  1. So sorry that the car finally died – but what a wonderful mum you have to help you out with a loan. Must admit I think that’s going to be my only option and I need to do some talking before the MOT/service is due at the end of feb as it seems ridiculous to pay out for all that and then still need a new car……

    Having just about finished doing my christmas cards I’m putting up all the ones I’ve been given so far and am really enjoying it – but then I MUST either pack for pardshaw (hard as stuff is still in the wash/waiting to be done) or really make a start on mum’s scrapbook. so what am I thinking about – doing an admittedly very long overdue post on my sadly neglected knitting blog…..

    big hugs xx

  2. Big hugs, and I am so glad you are coping with your depression – having just lost a close friend to it, and having lost two other people to it over the years, I am more aware than ever of just how dangerous an illness it can be.

    You’re doing absolutely great, and you will get well soon! The medication can take its own sweet time to kick in, but it will eventually.

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